"BUT WHAT IF I WIN?"

You know how facebook has 'on this day' memories, that if you click on it you see what updates and pictures you posted on this exact day throughout the years?

Well today facebook reminded me that on April 23, 2009, when Coby was just 8 months old, two years before he was diagnosed, I had posted about a strange rash that covered his entire body. I was asking for insight since the doctor's office was already closed.
People asked if he had fever. NOPE.
They asked if he was cranky. NOPE.
They asked if he had he just gotten over a virus. NOPE.
By the following morning his rash had mysteriously disappeared.

Hindsight is 20-20. As I sit here today eight years later, I am nearly 100% confident that that rash was one of his more mild reactions to his allergen. I must have eaten it and he absorbed it through nursing.
How clueless I was with what lay ahead...

And here we are on April 23, 2017 and it was time to tackle that dreaded 'sealed box'. So after having it sitting in our dining room for nearly a month now, we finally opened it. Or should I say, COBY finally opened it. He wanted zero assistance- and did it completely by himself.
It was a bit strange, really. Ever since that box arrived it felt like it was holding a ticking bomb. We were scared to open it. And so we didn't. After last week's up-dose to the 500mg, we both agreed that if he were to have three successful dosing days at that level we would open it today. Thankfully he did!
Should we open it?
With zero hesitation at all, he ran up to it and eagerly pulled the box apart went at it as if it held a much anticipated birthday present or something.
A complete 180 degree change!

Coby then posed with the giant bag of peanuts alternating between being shocked, loving it and crushing it.

Are there actually peanuts in our house????

"I'm gonna eat you all!" (This pose actually had me ready to rip the bag away
from his face because really this bag is lethal many times over)

I will crush you!

Can we be friends?

I cannot believe in less than four days time Coby is going to be eating an actual peanut, well half of one. 

For the last six plus years we have lived in fear of these and now he is going to eat an actual peanut? This is crazy. 

This is surreal. 

This is terrifying. 

This is exciting.

It's taken us over six months of treatment to finally get to this point.
While we still have quite a few months left before graduation, peanut day is huge.

I remember back to Coby's very first OIT appointment on October 20th. In the waiting room sat a mom with her son. By their chair was a bag of peanuts. Nurse Nicole came dancing into the waiting room singing, "It's Peanut day Today! Peanut day today!!!!" She explained to us that peanut day is something to be celebrated! I remember feeling excited in that moment and I smiled wondering and hoping that  Coby too will get to this peanut day celebration himself.

And here we are 3 and a half days away.

Too many emotions. 

Coby and Yitz have been playing the  game World of War-Craft since yesterday. They spent hours on it yesterday but didn't finish. They played for hours today. It's past his bedtime. I thought this game would be long over but apparently they are in the endless final battle.

Yitz said to Coby, "You want to just call it a tie and end it now?"

Coby, "No!"

Yitz, "But since this is your first time playing you will be so sad if you lose."

Coby without missing a beat, "But dad, what if I win?"

That got me. THAT is the attitude I want my child to hold on to for the rest of forever. 

What if I win?

After putting so much time into something, you don't give up, especially not so close to the finish line.

For those of you who really know Yitz, you know that he is a really good game player and a very good strategist. And he does NOT just give in and let somebody win. If you beat him, it's real! And you should be proud because it's no easy feat!

I pulled Yitz aside and asked, "Is Coby going to lose? Were you trying to help him save face?" And Yitz admitted to me that Coby is actually in a better position to win than Yitz is!

So yes, it is past his bedtime and he is still up. Not because I am keeping him awake to watch him and wait for a reaction but because I am allowing him to stay awake to see this battle through. He can still get about nine and a half hours of sleep but he needs to see this through.

"What if I win dad, what if I win?"

I am holding off publishing this blog as they claim there is just 5 minutes left to the game.  I am waiting to hear that cheer from upstairs and praying it's the right person's.... I need his original above sentiment to get ingrained into him. 

10:23PM.... and I have heard the victorious yawp and will run upstairs to catch some of it...

What if I win dad, what if I win?