ANNIVERSARIES

This week I had 2 bad dreams about peanuts. Yep in the three days since he started peanut powder I already has 2 bad dreams. In one of them I dreamed that we were at a supposedly safe hotel with friends and family. It was mealtime. They brought out a bowl of chocolates and Coby started to grab at one but I said, "Chocolates are risky- do NOT take one!" He was mad at me. Then they brought out an entire jar of peanut butter. People quickly grabbed at the jar shmearing it all over the place and then touching the seemingly 'safe bread'. Cross contamination galore. A woman even mixed up a jar of peanut butter with water and dumped it all over the huge salad serving dish to make a dressing of sort. WTH?! I had to tell Yitz, 'do not give Coby salad!' It was just getting worse and worse, I picked up Coby (who was the size of a two year old) and wouldn't put him down. I ran out of the dining room with him. I then saw a pile of his toys in the hallway that other kids got to first and started putting it in their recently filled peanut butter mouths. Great- now his toys were all contaminated. I continued running through the halls with him and it was as if this peanut vapor got a life of its own spreading throughout all areas as we tried to outrun it.

I don't know what it is about this new stage of OIT that I keep having dreams about it. Maybe it's because Coby's dose really really smells like peanut butter now. Coby hates the smell so much. He said, "it smells like fried worms!" Ooookay. Maybe the smell is making it a lot more real. Or maybe it's because we are nearly upon his anaphylaxis anniversary. Maybe sad or scary anniversaries just do that to you.
For example, on Thursday I was up most of the night with my stomach killing me for no real reason... (maybe that's why I didn't have a bad dream about dosing- since I was awake most of the night- haha). Maybe it was due to the stress of Coby having switched to peanut flour earlier that day. But on Friday morning I realized that it was the date of my first miscarriage (Thursday night march 16th into 17th), even down to the same days of the week. Your subconscious remembers. Your body remembers. One way or another it will be re-enacted.

But yep here we are. March 22nd will mark six years since the night we almost lost him.

March 22, 2011

And now here we are six years later fighting the good fight. 

 How ironic is it that we used to call Coby, 'little peanut' when he was a baby? Simply for that nickname alone, one of his outfits we got him was one of elephants and peanuts and it said 'little peanut' on it. I never got a good full picture of that outfit but here's one where you can make out the beginning of the word peanut by his left leg.

Out little peanut

This morning we decided to see Beauty & the Beast since Josh needs to return to college thisafternoon. Disney. Need I say more? Happiness is...

We got to the first movie of the day and I took out my stash of wipes and wiped down Coby's area.The arms, the seat, the back. The cup holders, the banister in front of him. I am wondering if this will be one of the last times I will have to wipe down his seat to remove all peanut residue at the movie theatre. That's crazy!

As I'm typing this I am realizing how ironic is it that Coby's big reaction came from the Purim we were the Beauty and the Beast crew and we saw this movie the same week of  his anniversary?  

Our little beast Purim 2011

This Tuesday Coby has a siyum in his class. Again I reminded him, "if you don't see the label, do not eat it. Bring the treats home and I will replace it." Is this going to be one of the last classroom parties I will have to say that? Is all this freedom truly in the horizon?

How crazy is it that in just a couple of weeks we will have to buy a bag of peanuts for Coby's doses?

But the closer we get to it, those nagging questions are knocking at my brain. 
Like can his environmental allergies even in maintenance bring out anaphylaxis when dosing?
Will we automatically have to have him on zyrtec and flonaze for half the year?
When he gets sick how do we know how to down-dose?
How do we build back up to his maintenance dose?
Can he exercise (or dance on simchat torah or bar mitzvahs) if he eats something that 'may contain' peanut, or something that does contain peanut or should he save the candies to bring home but know that he is safe to be surrounded and touched by those candies?

I read that basically OIT gives kids the freedom to live life. It doesn't guarantee no anaphylactic episodes, but it should be less frequent episodes than if he didn't OIT. At the same time it gives him a normal life back. All doors will be open to him. Basically we only would need to be wary at dosing time- so for about 2 hours a day, while the other 22 hours he is free. Without OIT you have to be wary 24 hours of the day.

I'm going to try to shove those maintenance questions (IYH he will get there) onto the back burner and deal with it as it comes and enjoy the victories as they come too. He is soooo much safer and more protected than he was before he started this. I witness that every single day. Despite my fears that at times come knocking at my door my hopes are stronger than those fears. We are so going to do this!!!! In my eyes my little peanut has grown into my big super-hero!